Do you miss it?

Do you miss the exhilarating highs

Do you miss the emptied yearning

Do you miss the blissful coagulation

Do you miss the torturous constraint

Do you miss the deceitful tenderness

Do you miss the docile amatory 

Do you miss it?

The time we spent as one

Do you miss it?

The blood

Heart

Mind

Body

And soul

I gave up

Do you miss me?

I don't miss you

In my own hands

I crave atonement.

  I thought of times

times when we sit back,
and watched nebulous tv shows

times when we relaxed,
and listened to the pitter patter of the rain on your porch

times when we were heart-warmed,
and sung gleeful christmas carols to fill our spirit

and times when we had melancholia,
from the back of my empty balcony,
and desolate night sky

your caramel brown curls twirled around me
and hazel eyes stared into my essence

laughs filled with adored saccharine,
you held out your hand towards me

and I thought of what it was like 
to be loved again.

 Do you ever wonder who you are?

"Who am I?" Is a question I ask myself in the mirror often

But I never get a response 

The mirror is murky and dirtied

My nuanced facial expression was in distaste

No matter how much I tried to rub it off, it's still dirty

One day, when I stroked the mirror, it cracked

I decided not to try cleaning it anymore

And I stared at the dirt on the mirror

I thought I hated it, but I liked the dirt

One day, I asked in the mirror "Who are you?"

I saw someone else in the mirror

Someone who looked like me

Someone who had an empty reflection 

Someone who was a beautiful me

I wanted to be like the person I saw in the mirror

They wanted me to be like them, too

Everyday, I talked to the person in the mirror

Their words made me feel docile

Everyday, the dirt on the mirror changed patterns

But the person inside the mirror stayed the same

I couldn't stop staring 

When they spoke to me, I thought about what it'd be like to be them

To become them

Myself is a nauseating and repulsive mess of nothingness

I have no reflection.

I see my shadow.

And it speaks to me,

It said to me, 

"You're not you. You're me"

I see it smile. A beautiful smile,

and I want to be just like it.

I once had a garden full of violets.

Violets that were blue and purple

Some of them wilted, and grew ill

But the rest had flourished in the sunlight, and bloomed perfectly

They looked beautiful, standing and inhaling every nutrient from the sun

I loved my violets.

But one day all of them died, except for one

That one flower, half faded and both in and out of the sunlight was still there

I kept it alive for as long as I could

It didn't survive, and I had nothing, regardless of my futile attempts to make it blossom.

My garden was empty, and so was I.

I could still see the ghosts of what flora there used to be.

So, I decided to become one with the earth and put my life to rest there.

That way, I could be alone and empty with my violets instead of nowhere, and nothing.

Why do you keep counting it all?

Repeating ever so persistently

All I am made up of is torment

My head is despondent

It'll burst into wilted, fetid Azalea and Nightshade

Do you really want to tear me open?

To see the rotten and broken things inside of my vial?

Then, just look thoroughly to your hearts desire

I'll suffocate under a dreary sky that rains fragile lacerations

Will my body still be useful?

If not, you can dispose of me anyway you wish

Every part of me is just shattered memories

Memories that float, and fall, and break, in lesser fragments


I want to become something more


Something more invariable


Something of use


What am I?

 My tears won't fall in the right direction 

What does it mean to have understanding?

Maybe, with enough affection I can make a miracle occur

An overlapping miracle, one that an oracle could give

In my sea of thoughts, where could I find you?

In my deepest, or the lightest of air?

The wind keeps blowing me off surge

Even if the softest clouds are there to break my fall

I can't find "you"

In your sea of thoughts, where would you find yourself?

 My heart is beating out of my chest
Sweet, Savory, and delightful
I'm ingesting it all, but it's already as sweet as can be
Desserts take time and love to make,
The key to the beloved's heart
Is found through time that is endless
I'll pursue banal love stories
Above is where our feelings began 
And as well as the sweet scent of sugary cookies, too
I love you for everything you do
And it'll remain that way, even for a thousand years